


How to Survive on the Top of Moby Dick's Deck — A Short Guideline by 'Hiken' Portgas D. Ace

by arka_r



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/arka_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just basic things to know the jungle. On whom you should not challenge in arm-wrestle, in drinking contest, in strip game —or on whom you should not throws racist comment. Based on real experience by Portgas D. Ace himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Survive on the Top of Moby Dick's Deck — A Short Guideline by 'Hiken' Portgas D. Ace

Being the youngest _and_ the newest crew of Whitebeard Pirates, 'Hiken' no Ace, the former captain of Spade Pirates, found hardships in order to understand certain things on board —or maybe, the unspoken rules. Ace learned all of this by none other than pure experience based on his daily pranks. Sometimes it would put his life in danger. Sometimes it put his pride on stake. Sometimes brought a good laugh.

•

**Example #1: Don't challenge Pops _or_ Marco for drinking contest. Just no. On very first second you challenged either one of two, you were already putting your pride on gallows.**

**But then again, Ace learned that there was also a certain man you don't want to challenge for drinking contest.**

"Yo, Vista!" the black-haired lad called for the Fifth Division Commander. The said commander stopped his activity (combing his epic moustache, you know) and turned his head to the lad.

"You know, I noticed that you never drink good booze like the rests of us. Only wine and that's only one glass in the morning. Betcha can't drink huh?", Ace grinned.

"Is that a challenge, Ace?" Vista curled the same grin. This boy needed to be taught a lesson or two huh?

_~couples of minutes later~_

"Whatsamatter, Ace? Can't take more drops, do ya?" Vista's laugh roared above the massive hollers of another crews. Apparently, there was no sign of the alcohol affected him. Damn that Moustache-Guy. He _could_ drink.

In front of him, on the top of deck, Ace sprawled after devouring his thirteenth bottle. Wasted.

•

**Example #2: Don't challenge Jozu _or_ Blenheim for arm-wrestling contest for _obvious_ reason. Just. Don't.**

"Nee, Marco... Why can't I do it?" asked Ace, someday, sometime, when the said black-haired lad was _sane_ enough to ask _beforehand_. Though the question was more like a whine.

A sigh. Came from the older blonde.

"You see that, yoi?" Marco thumb-pointed at a direction behind his back. Ace peeked over his shoulder...

... and saw five men, either right or left arm bandaged and patched due to bone fracture.

"Unless you wanna be one, don't do it. Jozu will cuff you and himself with kairoseki to keep both parties play fair." With that, Marco left him stunned.

•

**Example #3: Don't challenge Thatch for strip poker. That guy got some devil's luck in him, that lucky bastard.**

Tableflips.

"You're cheating! I know it! No way in hell you could win _seven_ times in a row!" Ace accused blindly. Apparently, he already lost his boots, hat, belts, shirts, armband, and short pants. The only article left on him was his flame-patterned bright orange boxers —and it was also in danger.

Thatch only watched the furious lad in amusement, while the rests of the crew began to boo at Ace.

"That's childish accusation and mean", said the Fourth Division Commander with a fake hurt expression over his face. Oh how he wanted to hit that face badly.

"Now remove your boxers, Ace, so all of us can see your Little Ace Jr. down there."

Dammit.

•

**Example #4: Don't challenge Izou for strip mahjong. Although this could be broken at any time if necessary —especially when their playmates included Marco and Thatch. Because... well, usually Marco will lose first.**

"Nice ass you have, Commander Marco~" Izou's teases only brought the pineapple-headed Commander into rage. A mismatch with his deep blush tinted all over his face.

"Shut up you —Thatch! Grope my ass again and you _die_!"

Their situation right now was: 1.) Marco lost all of his clothes, except a fundoshi*) covering his most private part; 2.) Thatch lost his yellow foulard, belt, and shoes; 3.) Ace lost his hat and shoes; 4.) Izou lost none. Apparently, they already stopped the game and Marco was busy to slap hands off of his ass.

"And no slapping too! Hey—"

And much to Marco's annoyance, another crews started to gather around.

"THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? SCRAM!"

The rest of the day, Marco hid on the top of crow's nest in his phoenix form and didn't want to come down until Thatch bribed him with good booze —and that was because of Pops' order. Ace would never, _ever_ ,forget the blue burning phoenix with blushing face sulked on the crow's nest. He swore he never laughed that much.

•

**Example #5: Don't call Namur cannibal just because he eat fish. It could be lead to suicide.**

It was another lazy afternoon until Ace got his narcoleptic attack _while_ climbing the rope nets to play swords with Thatch. Not even _anyone_ moved seeing their Second Division Commander's sleeping body being thrown off board straight to the ocean. Miraculously and fortunately, Ace woke up at the moment he touched the seawater.

"Haa—blubblub—sumbadiiihh—glubglubglub—haaallpphhh!" ( _Somebody, helllppp!_ )

Yeah, being a Devil Fruit user sometimes could be an ass. But Ace usually would pay no mind for it. Hell, he had a Fishman as nakama! That was being friends for, right? —To help in difficulties?

"Naa, Ace... I actually don't mind to help you. But you said I'm a cannibal when I ate fish n' chips for today's breakfast. That's kinda racist, you know?" Namur casually spoke while he leaned on the ship railing, eyeing at Ace.

Unbelievable! What kind of man letting his comrade drink seawater and ready to drown anytime soon now, while casually talking about racism? Okay... He was kinda bit racist. But hey —that was _unintentional_! It was a spur of the moment!

"Hrrmmbbll—haaa—sowwyyyyhhh—glubglubglubglub—'ma sowwhyyyyyggghhh—*gurgles*" ( _Sorry! I'm sorryyyyyy!_ )

With that, Hiken no Ace graciously drowned.

"Help him. No safe place even in heaven from Pops' rage if we let him die", Marco ordered Namur. Well, actually he hoped this would bring a lesson or two for Ace to not use that 'C' word.

"Gladly." Then Namur dove in to help his nakama from the brink of death.

•

The list of the dos don'ts went on and on until Ace sure if he wanted to, the list could be fit inside a thick guideline book of 'How to Survive on the Top of Moby Dick's Deck' —which was fortunately, by the name of Davy Jones, no way in the hell a man named Portgas D. Ace had _ever_ wanted to write such a long text.


End file.
